Today pretty much mirrors every past Saturday in my life. Busy with errands, running around with the kids, anticipating my sons 7th birthday on Monday the 23rd. However, this Saturday has a dark cloud hanging over it. This very Monday I begin my radiation journey. While I understand that this is necessary for my healing and for the overall betterment of my general health, I am not looking forward to it. The fear of the unknown. How will my body react? How kind of undertaking will my emotional make up go through. What about my family, will they be handle it? What about their needs? I fear that my many roles will be afftected and I will falter in my roles? I understand that everyone is different. My reaction to the side effects will not mirror anyone elses nor will theirs mirror mine, however I have found out that seeking out people who have laid the path before me has helped me get a better understanding of what I am in for.
I have this image of who I am, and I don’t see what others see. I dont see the strong woman they tell me over and over I am. I look in the mirror and I dont see it. I see a scared, weak woman, whose about to embark on a journey that will be in the hands of strangers. Albeit strangers who Im hoping have my best health and intentions in mind. I am not the most trusting person (one of my many flaws) and having to surrender my trust is a difficult thing for me to do.
I find myself in the middle of my trial. This journey began 3 years ago, and along the way I have encountered some wonderful people who have been very supportive throughout this . I just want this journey to quickly come to an end.