Today is Wednesday March 25, 2015. I sit here in the lobby of the radiation unit at USC Medical center. I sit here accompanied by people whose battles are just as or moreso challenging than that of my own. I find myself counting blessings as I learn of the crosses they bear. I sit here in awe, as I realize that after today, I will only have 5 more treatments to go.
This particular chapter of my life began on February 23, 2015. This was the day of my first treatment. I have a wonderful doctor , who unlike many others did not skip the day they taught compassion at medical school. This Dr. I believe took his oathe seriously and I am extremely grateful for this.
I must admit, I tossed and turned with the thought of radiation. I knew this was inevitable and something I would have to endure at some point in my life. This brain tumor that decided to take up residence in my head has demanded to be dealt with, however I dont think it knew that it would be me who would be victorious and not him.
Despite having this surgery almost a year ago , April 7th, is my cranniversary, Ive put this radiation off for quite sometime, however Im glad I did, because in doing so, my path lead me to USC. I didnt settle this time, I didnt want my treatment at the hospital my insurance covered, I wanted a Dr. that wanted to help and I found that comfort here at USC, which I find quite odd as I am BRUIN fan…(shhh dont tell my dr.)
On the day of my first treatment, I was handed a list of my scheduled appts. I looked at it for a while , there it was in front of me , 28 days, 28 treatments. At this very moment I was submerged with feelings of apprehension, anxiety and the fear of the unknown. I thought 28 days, but I was told by many Drs that the tumor was very small. In my rational way of thinking 28 treatments is for big tumor, or for a patient whose tumor is malignant, as mine IS benign. Still focused on this list, the thoughts were running rampant in mind. 28 days of fatigue, 28 days of anxiety as I wash my hair, 28 days of waking up to hair on my pillow, 28 days to a metal taste in my mouth, 28 days of driving in traffic, 28 days of trying not to show signs of someone who is sick, 28 days of exhaustion, 28 days of driving myself crazy, which in hindsight I brought upon myself.
I sit here with 5 treatments in front of me, and while I have experienced some of the side effects listed above, it hasn’t been that bad, truthfully, I could do without the commute,but for now that has been the one thing I’ve had to get used to. The hair loss as of today hasn’t been that bad, (keep in mind I am a girl so vanity does have a staple in my genetic makeup), but I’m dealing with it, while those around me are exhausted by my constantly asking , “do I look bald?” ‘ , only to be answered with the rolling of their eyes….
Even with all of the anxiety, and fear, I’m pretty amazed that I have gotten this far, and I still have some drive and fight left.
This Tumor Can Kiss My Mass…..Because I MATTER (little brain humor)