You can find me on the observation deck.

Well I did it. I shared my link with family and friends, I have reached out to those I love and trust. While I have shared my journey through pictures on instagram, and to those who have kept in touch during this time, I find comfort in jotting my thoughts down. I must admit that I must weed through my thoughts as some should not be shared, but I digress. 

I sit here again, in this lobby that has become all to familiar to me. Im watching people come in and out of their treatment.  Im trying to read their body language, some patients come in with an overwhelming will to fight. Their energy is contagious and one cant help but smile, when you gaze upon them. Without them knowing, these people provide me with a strength and a feeling of  calm.  Then, on the opposite side of the spectrum, you have those, who seem to be here against their will. It seems that they are merely coming for treatment at the request of their families. They look tired, weak, and the look in their eyes I can only describe as blank  and lost and more obvious to me; scared. 

During the last 5 weeks, I have heard some incredible stories, the man, whose cancer has decided to reside in his throat , making his speech almost incomprehensible, and even though his ability to communicate is compromised, he tells more with his eyes than any person I have ever met. His eyes shine and are engaging, and you cant help but want to be in his presence.   Then, theres Lydia. a 3 time Breast Cancer survivor. First diagnosed in 1976, she went into remisssion and it returned in 1989. After having 2 surgeries, the cancer decided to come back. She is in her mid 70’s and has more energy than that of a person not going through this. She walks in with a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Shes here for radiation, or as she puts it a mild inconvenience,, so . I had to ask, “how do you stay so strong?”. She smiled sweetly and responded, God has never given me anything I cant handle, and he always walks beside me”.   

I  watch, families come in and they too suffer, trying to put on a front for those going through the treatment. Trying to be strong, when they too are breaking and are afraid. They sit and watch their loved one endure so many different treatments, and in my own experience cry in secret.  Communication is the key, hold onto what you know to be true.  

Thanks to my sister Mary, she posted something on line for me : 

You’ve only got three choices in life:

Give up, give in, or give it all you’ve got.  

Well, Im no where close to be done, so Im going to give it ALL IVE GOT


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